You're my wonderwall ◆
Take a second and think about the one thing that promotes attraction the most. I’ll give you a hint. The answer is not physical looks, wealth, having things in common, or even the person’s personality. I know, it’s crazy right? The answer is actually proximity. Study after study finds that most people tend to become attracted to people who are physically close to them. The theory is called the mere exposure effect, and it states that we tend to become attracted to a novel stimuli if it was repeated over and over again. I am sure you once saw a very attractive person who caught your attention while passing by your car, then you never saw him/her again. Why do most people forget about that very attractive person a few days later? Simply because they never see that person again. If the stimuli wasn’t reinforced we tend to forget about it even if we liked it. It really is true. Just talking to someone a lot can do so much. You may not even see it coming. But If you spend a considerable amount of time with someone, you could be friends one day, and before you know it, you’ve completely fallen head over heals in love with each other. Maybe this has happened to you. You can’t fight it, but why would you want to? It’s a beautiful thing, really.
(Source: staypozitive)
As warped as this may sound, I’m gonna work my ass off when school starts. Right now, it’s not just about a degree anymore. It’s about proving my worth, proving that I’m good enough. To others, to him. I cannot be lousy and let this happen again. I cannot let people look down on me as A’s girlfriend. I cannot let him look down on me.. Just because he’s right up there, I am gonna get there too. He makes me wna be a better person and I will never ever be good enough if I don’t make him feel the same too. In a more melodramatic fashion, my happily ever after depends on this. And it’s not dumb, even if it might seem so.
It;s becoming clearer that I need to leave my comfort zone now. I’m pretty excited though :)
Goodbye, lame old Renice.
(8:45pm - Next time if I ever have kids, I’m gonna tell them I owned their almighty engineer dad in school. Asshole made me so upset for the past few days.)
- ― Robert Frost (via justbesplendid)
Prolly a few bad days, actually. But I still believe that everything’s gonna be okay :) lived with my asshole brain long enough to know that I’m prolly just overthinking things and freaking out too much. We’re stronger than that.
(Source: leilockheart)
In a melancholic/emotional/pensive mood right now, but today was a great day :) I’ve been having one of the best periods of my whole 19 years recently and it’s getting unbelievable. It’s scary.. And haha I think I can never pass a birthday without feeling blue. It’s like after all that fanfare, I slow down and reflect and I start wondering why people bother? This is prolly some sorta self-loathing/self-doubting/inferiority kinda thing but I gotta get this off my chest.
Take A for example. He’s wonderful. I’ve never thought someone like him would ever ever fall for me. Honestly speaking, I think I can imagine the kinda person I’d perceive him to be, if we were just strangers/schoolmates. And it’s that kind which I’d never even talk to. The crazyass sociable guy. He’s hilarious, he’s smart, he’s witty, he’s forever on the move, forever full of conversation, forever the centre of a joke. Everything I ain’t. I know this is really crazy, and it always affects him when I think this way but why me? I’m plainer than plain Jane, I can get past DAYS without speaking, I can lay in bed for the entire day and I can’t even express myself properly. Why? Why me.. And when more than one person says the same thing, there’s prolly some truth in that matter, right? I know I’m prolly being foolish but I’m just so scared he’s going to one day realise that I am just boring old Renice, deep down nothing more. Just passive, lifeless Renice who cannot help him achieve what he wants. Fate, please don’t be messing with me.
I just flipped through the personality report of some tests that we did in school and I realised how much of a useless person I am actually. It’s so crazy. I’m probably just one step away from being autistic. Nobody believes me. A doesn’t. But I know it myself. I just do. Sometimes I just feel like it’d be easier to cope with pushing everyone away before they get too close, rather than fearing that they’d leave one day after realising how lifeless I am.
Maybe this mad rant is triggered by other things, but it really is mostly how I’m such a socially awkward person that it’s so unbelievable. I need to open up, I need to trust that nobody’s gonna judge me like I do myself. I need to loosen those knots in my heart. Even if I have been this way for 19 years. A favour for myself and the people around me.
